Thoughts of You
by purpleballerynna
Summary: Buffy and Angel think of each otehr. Set about a month or so after Angel left.


Thoughts of You

Disclaimer: Who are you kidding? Do you actually think I own them. You wish! Even if I did own them, would I let you use them? YES! I'm not that mean. Joss "master of the Buffyverse" Whedon owns them. So does David Greenwalt, Fox, WB and Mutant Enemy. The song "You Are My Everything" is by 98 degrees.

Distribution: My site. [http://members.tripod.com/purplesilverslay_mya/index.html][1]

Summary: Set maybe about a month after Angel left Sunnydale.

Please, please send me feedback!!! I beg of you!

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BUFFY

The moon washed over me as I cried in the graveyard. Most people would think that I am grieving over a dead loved one, but I am not. Okay, so in a way maybe I am. My loved one is gone. No he didn't die he left. And he is kinda dead. Why in a graveyard and why is he dead you ask? He's a vampire and a graveyard was where we used to spend the nights together. When he left, I felt my heart being torn apart and broken into a thousand pieces. He was my soul mate. He still is. But I have to go on with my life. He left me for a reason. A stupid, useless reason, but still a reason nonetheless. I'll to that later. My ears hear something. I get up and search the vicinity. I saw a figure move stealthily across and I run after. I silently thank this thing for breaking me out my reverie. I'm thankful, but I still have to kill it.

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ANGEL

I had to leave her. Even if my heart told me not to, my common sense won't. I love her but all I cause her is pain. I hope she knows that I love her. But I don't think she knows. For goodness sakes, I didn't even say goodbye to her! I just took one last look at the person who has made me the happiest I have been in centuries. I didn't know where to go. The only place I could think of was here. Los Angeles, California. Her old home. Maybe it's because I could be with her here, without actually being with her. That thought made me comfortable in a way. I drive around town, looking for something to do. I stop at a bar and notice two guys hitting on a girl. The girl didn't look too happy. I approached the two guys. I suppose I'm the only one here at the bar who knows who the two guys really are. They're vampires. They see me and sense that I'm here to fight them or think I'm going to help them. The taller of the two guys hit me squarely in the jaw, but I anticipated it. I kicked his stomach and I drew out a stake from my pocket. Dust. The smaller vampire charged me. This one was as predictable as the first. His fist met my jaw. He kept jabbing me but I parried it easily. In a few seconds, my stake met his heart. Another one bites the dust. Pardon the pun. The girl stared at me and thanked me. She looked shocked, but she'll recover. I leave the bar and go home, thinking of Buffy. 

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BUFFY

I go home feeling really down. My tears haven't dried yet. Back in my room, the one where we first kissed, I think of him again. _Damn it Buffy! Stop thinking about him. _But I can't. He's so much a part of me that every thought, every movement is about him. I drop to my bed and try to sleep. My hand moves to the dresser. I feel something metallic as I do. A ring. My claddagh ring. The ring he gave me on my seventeenth birthday. _How did that get there? I thought I lost it. _I start crying again. Angel must've put it back before he left. I turn away from the ring and close my tear-stained eyes. I dreamt of him. In the dream we were dancing in a pier at night and everything was perfect. 

__

You are my everything

Nothing your love won't bring

My life is yours alone

The only love I've ever known

He looked into my eyes as the song played on. 

"I love you so much. Don't ever leave me." I say. "But I have to." He replies. 

He turns around and leaves. I am left there, alone. I scream, then I wake up. It's morning. Another day without him.

****

ANGEL

Morning came, as it always does. I try to sleep again but to no avail. I stand up and look around my apartment. Nothing to do. I open my desk drawer and find pictures of Buffy. She is so beautiful. Her smile is the most amazing one I know. My heart starts to feel heavy. I carefully place the photographs back in the drawer. I decided to go back to sleep. 

Night has come at last. I can finally go out. I see many teenagers looking like they're lost. I'm not surprised. The city is full of children trying to make it into show business.

Trying to find themselves.

Trying to escape. To escape their problems. To escape into a life they think is better.

But it isn't, it's even harder. I of all people should know that. I escaped my problems by turning into a vampire. But what kind of escape did I get. I just have more pain and more problems to deal with. Sometimes it is so much easier to die. But dying is also just an escape. I don't know what I am going to do. _Just live on without her?_ _How am I going to do that?_

I stop at a bar and get myself a drink. I'll think about what I'm going to do next, but for now, all I can think of is Buffy. Only Buffy. 

****

BUFFY

I decide to go out with the gang tonight. Where else but to the Bronze. As I enter the club, I close my eyes. Everything in the place reminds me of Angel. In fact, everything in this town reminds me of him. _I need to get out of this town. _"Buffy?" I look up. Willow was talking to me. "Yeah? What?" "Buffy, are you listening to me? Look over at Xander. Do you think he likes Anya? I mean not that I'm jealous, just curious." I look over to Xander and Anya. She was obviously flirting with him. "I think so Will. At least you're with Oz." I say brightly. Willow then looks at me sadly. "Oh Buff. You'll find someone else." I got mad. I stand up and leave the club. Before I could though I heard Will say, "I shouldn't have said that. But she's still grieving, she might shut down." Fresh tears formed in my eyes. _No. I will not shut down. I'm strong! I'm the slayer for goodness sakes. Willow's wrong, I will never find someone else! _ I go to the cemetery and start my patrol. After the patrol I go over to Giles' house. I try to pour myself on my training. "Buffy, maybe you should rest. You've been running yourself ragged after…" he trailed off. "After Angel left? It's okay. You can say it." I breathe and take a book out of the shelf. The Codex. _Angel gave Giles this book. _I ran out of the apartment.

****

ANGEL

I feel somebody's eyes on me as I walk into an alley. I slowly turn around and see a vampire staring at me. "You must be the new guy giving me and my brothers a hard time getting food." He said. I laughed. "I'm hardly new. You don't know me don't you? You must be the new one." He growled. He got hurt by my words. Wow, I must be getting better at this. "You're going to die." I shake my head. "I don't think so." I vamp-out. And we fight. He was an easy fight. Before I staked him he said, "Go to hell man." _I did. _ After he was dust, I went back toward my apartment. 

The dark gave me comfort. But it also gave me pain. Memories started flooding back. My almost non-existent memories of hell.

***My body was beaten badly. My eyes were blurry. "Watch!" a voice behind me, said. I closed my eyes. "I said watch!" it said again. An image of Buffy was shown in the water. A dark figure rose behind her and bit her neck. "No!" I cry out. "You will do that one day." I reach out my hands but they struck it back. ***

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BUFFY

My head hurts so bad. I rub my temples but somehow my hands went straight to my neck, into the bite-mark. Angel's bite-mark. I collapse into my bed and the fresh tears stated to fall. _Why?_ I ask myself. _Why did he have to leave after that? He should've stayed, with me! _I know that not even I could stop him. A soft knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. "Come in." I say. "Honey, are you alright?" my mom asks. I look at her; I see pain. I don't know why though. "I'm fine mom. Really. I am." she sighs and sits next to me. "Mom, what is it? Do you have to tell me something?" "It's nothing. But Giles called. He said that I was to tell you to go back to his apartment. I think something bad is going to happen." "That's not nothing." I smile a little. "Are you sure you're okay? You've crying since… well for a long time now. I know that you must've loved him, but Buffy, you have to move on." My eyes flash with anger. But I held it back. My mom doesn't need this. "Whatever mom. I have to go."

****

ANGEL

I boot up a computer in the library. I needed some information. I heard from a small-time demon in a bar that something bad was going happen. I laughed then, but I am curious. For a few minutes, I find nothing, until I got into the police site. I sigh. _It's not that bad. _ I say to myself. Someone killed 4 girls in the past 4 days. I know who, a vampire. I leave the library and go to bars, hoping to find information. I don't know why I try to help though. What good does it do me anyway? It's not like the people who're responsible for bringing me back knows that I help out. They probably don't care about me anyway. My redemption probably won't come. I won't probably spend another day with Buffy. "Hey!" a voice called out. "Are you going to drink something or do I have to kick you out?" "Beer." I softened my voice and said, "And a little info." "What kind? About the murders? Sorry, already told your pals in the force." "I'm not a cop." I vamp out a bit, only for him to see. "Hey, sorry. Didn't know. You still can't stop him. He's really strong. I think he's enhanced, but he can't be killed. He's too fast." "What's his name?" "March."

****

BUFFY

I got to Giles' place without any incident. "What is it Giles? Some new baddie that needs killing?" I say, trying to look and sound confident. He looks at me concerned for a bit then changed his expression to deadly serious. "Yes. There is a demon, Ykas. He's very deadly and apparently, has a…" he trailed off. "What he's trying to saying Buff is that he has a thing for Slayers." Xander said. "So? I kill him, easy as that, how though?" suddenly, there was a rock thrown at the window. "Whoa." Oz said. Willow stood up, picked up the rock and started reading the letter with the rock. "Slayer, nothing will make me more happy than to see you. I think it's from Ykas." I took the paper and scanned it. "Okay. How do I kill this thing?" Giles moved and took out a book. He started leafing through it then stopped at a page. "Ykas can be killed by crushing his heart." "Sounds easy enough. 'K, where do I find him?" "Buffy, you have to be really careful. Ykas can pluck images from your mind and use it to his advantage. Meaning he can cloud your mind. Due to your highly emotional state, you might get seriously hurt." I looked at him for a moment then turned toward the door. "Just tell me how he looks and I'll kill him. I'm fine."

****

ANGEL

All the alleys look the same as I patrol each and everyone. March is out there killing and I need to stop him. For my redemption. I go inside one start looking around. My mind starts to drift. I remember the time I lived in alleys feeding off of rats. That was when Whistler found me, told me that should be helping people and took me to see Buffy. She was so young then, so naïve. It seemed that she was so innocent. I only wanted to help her then. Who knew she would end up being the one person who could truly make me happy? My one true love. _God. I miss you Buffy. _ I sense something and it snaps me out of my memories. I turn around slowly and came face to face at a very hideous looking vampire. "March I presume?" he didn't say anything, but only stared at me. "The silent type huh. That's fine, I don't like to chat while I'm pummeling you anyway. Stay away from your kills and feed in better safer way." "What way?" "Any way that you wouldn't get staked from me." "You think you can stop me? You can't." "I'll see about that."

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BUFFY

The streets were dark and deserted. I scanned each and every street corner and made sure that no Hellmouthy-thing rears it ugly head. Most especially Ykas. What Giles said went over and over in my head. _He can pluck images from your mind and use it to his advantage. _What can he possibly pluck from my head? Oh, yeah, your vampire boyfriend who left and broke your heart into a million pieces for one. I take a deep breath and felt my stake in my pocket. _Well if Ykas does show up and try to pluck whatnots from my brain, he'll feel the business end of Mr. Pointy for sure! _ Nothing seemed out of place or unusual. Which is unusual. Nothing bad out is bad based from my experience. I decide to go to the cemetery to look around. Something rustled in the bushes. "Hey! Come out, I'm bored!" I quip. Suddenly, a very nasty-looking demon came out from the bushes. He had horns all over his body and his arms weren't exactly proportional to the rest of his body. I mean, they were short. Freakishly short. He came toward me then hesitated. I clutched my stake and formulated a plan to kill him. "Come on, I'm waiting." I say. "Slayer." He hisses. "Glad to know I'm famous." Ykas took another step toward me. "You're feistier than the last one I met. But you will do." "Oh this should be fun. Want to add me to your collection? Then you'd better catch me first!" I spring toward the nearest headstone. He leapt toward me faster. I tried to get my stake but when Ykas stood in front of me, I was paralyzed. His hands made a gesture behind me. I turn around slowly. And there stood Angel. _My Angel. _I whisper. I take a step but he came forward instead. "Buffy." He said. A hand grabbed me from behind. Ykas was going to kill me.

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ANGEL

I sprang towards March. He backed away and punched me squarely in the jaw. His fist was strong and the punch was incredibly fast. I flew back to a Dumpster. "Ouch." "Told you you can't stop me." March said threateningly. "Do you know that you are so egotistic. Have you thought of going to a psychiatrist?" "You're weird. And you're signing your death warrant." "Yeah. I'm also cute according to the ladies." I sprang to him again and managed to avoid his punch. I landed behind him. I assumed a fighting stance then threw a high-kick in his back. He faltered then fell forward. I took the advantage and picked him up. I then threw him to a wall. He quickly regained his composure then ran toward me. He kicked me in the stomach. He kept kicking and punching me. I couldn't strike back. It seemed that I was on the losing edge. "All of you are the same." March hissed in my ear. I could barely hear him. My ears were already full of blood. As is my whole face. "You think you can stop me. Think that you are better than I am. But all of you are wrong. No one can stop March, the scourge of Europe. The supreme killer." I jerked my head when I heard my former title. "You're wrong." I whisper hoarsely. "Angelus is the Scourge of Europe." "Angelus is gone." "Not when he's standing face-to-face with you." A renewed zeal washed over me. March looked startled. "Yep that's right. I'm Angelus." I punched him in the face. "How can you be Angelus? If you're Angelus, then why are you fighting me?" "Because I need to." We continued to fight. I took out a stake and pointed it directly at March's heart. "You think you're the Slayer Angelus?" he spat out. "No. But I know her. Very well." With that I staked him and he turned into dust. "Guess I was right, I can stop you." I turned and walked away into the rapidly disappearing night.

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BUFFY

I wrenched in Ykas' grasp. He is incredibly strong. My mind went blank for a moment, and then I remembered what Ykas plucked from my head. Angel. Ykas distracted me with him. Maybe my friends are right. I should move on and forget him. It will be hard, but I have to. For now, I have to stay alive in order to move on. I poured all my strength into throwing Ykas off of me. "My, my, you are heavy." I joke. Ykas fell to the ground. I stabbed him with my stake, then I took out Faith's dagger (which I kept) and tore open his chest. I took out his heart. It was glowing green. "Eew." I then crushed it with a rock. Ykas' body crumbled into dust and disappeared. "That was definitely not fun." I say to myself out loud. I made my way back to Giles' apartment. I take one quick look where I saw Angel. I have to forget him, but deep down inside I know I never will. I love him, even if we're never going to be together again. He's my Angel. But if I keep crying over him and giving up, it won't matter if we can be together or not. Because if I keep doing this heartbroken thing, I'll die. And he will never forgive me for that. I close my eyes as tears start to fall again. _I love you Angel. Even if I forget you, I will still love you. _I smile a little because somehow I feel better. I continue on to Giles' house and with my life.

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ANGEL

LA starts to wake up. I reach my apartment and flop down on my bed. Last nights events kept running in mind. March didn't know I was Angelus because I was fighting him. Trying to kill him. Well, March hadn't known that I'm looking for redemption. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep. I thought I would dream of finding redemption. But instead I dreamt of her. Of Buffy. Then again, maybe my redemption is Buffy. The higher powers may not know that I'm fighting for my redemption, but the good thing is, at least I know. I know that when I save more and more souls I can be with Buffy again. That thought will keep me strong. Buffy told me that once. We'll fight together. Even if we're far apart, we still are. Even if it's just in our thoughts. I sleep now, and continue to dream of her. And someday, it'll all be reality. 

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